Why Some Men & Women Stay Single
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Nowadays, more and more men and women remains to be or prefers to be
single in their late 20’s, 30’s & onwards. Why? Here are the common
reasons why some men and women choose to stay single:
1. Family or parental obligation
Some
cannot marry because they feel the need to attend to either one or both
sick parent/sibling. Others allocate their time and money to support
the education of their younger sibling/s. This involves a certain
degree of commitment and some choose to prioritize their family and set
aside their personal life.
2. Trauma from Physical/Sexual Abuse
A
person who has been a victim of child molestation, rape or abuse would
tend to fear physical intimacy.
3. Trauma from Broken Relationships
Some
kissed dating goodbye after a painful break up/separation. Others
choose to be alone rather than be in a relationship full of
insecurities.
4. Financial Instability
It’s quite expensive
to get married these days, moreover to raise a family. So others choose
not to enter into relationship and be frustrated from not being able to
fully support so. Also, it would be too selfish to drag your loved one
to poverty.
5. Self-contentment or Gratification from Family, Friends & Career
Sometimes
when you’re already happy with the people around you and/or satisfied
with one’s career, you no longer seek for romantic affiliation. For
what has been lacking was filled by other forms of love. Further, you
enjoy freedom & independence more than anyone else.
There’s
really nothing wrong with preferring to be single/unattached, although
it has drawbacks too like you’ll grow old alone.
But why do some people ask a single person, "Wny are you still single?" with a tone of pity. Why, does it
make one a lesser person? Does it make one's life incomplete &
miserable? Does it make one uglier & less attractive? Hell no!
As
what Princess Diana once said, “People think at the end of the day that
a man is the only answer to fulfillment. Actually, a job is better for
me”.
CommentsLoading...
Gosh, upon reading your comment, I thought "he's my male version". I feel from your words that you are also a Filipino, am I right?
I've written this article based on my experiences, all of them. I fully understand and totally agree with your points as to why you prefer to be single as of yet.
It's a good trait if one aims to have a sense of accomplishment, especially for a guy, it will help you boost your confidence. To want to have a house & stable job before dating seriously is actually not an odd behaviour or thinking, actually it is but right. Others if not mostly, do date just to feed ones ego just so that one can show that one have someone by his/her side. The real purpose of dating is not served i.e. to find your life-partner, someone you'll love and love you in return, completely & unconditionally.
I think both us men & women just fear the same, being cheated. Us girls being like a sportscar, financially some girls are but remember that everyone is unique.
If you would ask my advice, I can only say that love blooms, grows & goes deep as relationships are tried by problems & obstacles along the way. Moreover, love is not a one-way street, you'll know if you really love the girl & the girl really loves you. Perhaps you just need to meet that girl.
I suggest you to watch "Secret Garden", it's a Korean TV series, there the girl doubts the intention/motive of the guy, the guy even doubted himself on how far could he really do for the girl he loved. But both realized how they cannot live without each other and so they fought all the hindrance & pain just to be together.
By the way, thanks for your comment, I appreciate it =)
Hi cbguillermo all these time I thought I was reading this article from a male perspective, turns out it was written by a female? Or am I missing something in your reply? Anyhow...
I'm actually not Filipino but I am Asian, let's just leave it at that. I think the problem with me is that I was raised up right by my parents. What I mean by this is my parents instill morals, values, good work ethics, honesty, love and kindness, respect for my elders, you know all the typical good traits and characteristics one should have. I grew up thinking this way. I have also met a lot of people who think differently from me and most of them happen to be girls. We don't share the same beliefs. The problem then lies in me being this "wholesome" person with my rights and values and my insecurities and what not of the opposite sex not sharing in my beliefs. I fear they will not understand me and because of this bad things can and will happen (and when it does it will most likely be because of her).
I can always count on myself to be true, honest and faithful (based on my beliefs I had since I was a child) but the problem is I can't put the same faith in another girl to do the same. I fear that she wasn't raised up right and will do things in the end to hurt me, whether it be cheating or whatnot. Sometimes I feel as though deep down inside I am a female trapped inside a male body because of the way I think and things that I fear, which is typically the way most female think and feel. I'm a male version of them basically, meaning I am in tune with how female think and feel, thus I, as a male would never want to do anything to hurt them. Likewise, I wouldn't want to be hurt by them either.
Ultimately all relationships comes down to trust and for guys like me who chooses to stay single for whatever reasons, trust issues also factor into our decision. Honestly speaking I have never chased after girls because if I am the initiator then often times I won't be able to figure out the girls intentions. I typically let her come to me because then I will know for sure she is interested in me enough to break that "taboo" mold that only guys should be chasing after the girl. Then and only then I will know for sure she is genuine in her intentions and she wants to be with me for who I am.
Well this was kind of long but I thought I write a response back clearing up some matters as to why guys like me choose to be single and how we think, in general. I would love to fall in love one day, but I'm also not your typical guy either. I need to know from her, her true intentions before I commit. Also, to the readers out there I hope this clears up some issues or concerns they might have.
BTW, thanks for the TV series recommendation. I will most definitely check it out.
Hello The Single Nice Guy! Thank you for the response. Yes I'm a female, I'm the one who wrote this article & I'm the one in the picture.
Believe it or not, I fully understand you so I think there's nothing wrong with you. Most people if not all, have insecurities. Nobody's perfect, others may not be just conscious of it. Trust issues are but normal to have if one has been cheated before.
It's good to be raised upright by parents and the typical good traits are always a plus. Each individual regardless of sexuality have differences in beliefs & opinions but there are also those who share the same passion or dreams, some just jive with their personalities & some opposites attract, heard that right?
Perhaps you just haven't met a girl whom you can put your faith on, someone who shares the same values & belief. As for me, I am single as of yet but I still believe in true love, just that it is hard to get nowadays.
I hope you'll overcome your fear of not being understood and someday I hope you can put your faith & trust again on someone.
I have a few foreign friends but in your 2nd last paragraph I felt rejection. Being a friend to them I am able to learn their culture & traits too, it's interesting to know someone not within ones race.
Thank you for taking time to read this article & I hope you get to read my other articles too.
I wish you well and I hope you'll have a great life.
Thank you for your kind words and I hope the same for you as well :)
Yea, I'm also a single guy. I'm around my 30's N I'm still not married nor do I sleep around. I live with my famliy N I'm always in my room. N my reason that I'm still single is somewhat tha same as The Single Nice Guy had post. But not like him at tha same time. N tha reason I'm not like The Single Nice Guy, N tha reason is. I can't be around poeple with out shaking N votiming N that's why I'm always in my room. I also think tha same as The Single Nice Guy does. But I won't be able to do anything if I still go in panic around large group of people. Yea, Just like The Single Nice Guy had a girl that cheated on him. I also, had a girl that cheated on me but that was in high school. N tha reason for that as my ex told me is I didn't put out. So, even till this day I'm still a virgin. So for me geting a girl is just like a dream now. I don't see it's gunna happen, in my life.
Some people still have this thing taught in the old school, that the only destiny of a particular person is too get married, and if you still think backward, you'll be pressured and worst will lead yourself to further destruction. What I hate the most is when people tell to get married as if they can be held responsible for you if because of pressure you led a bad life... Pressure often comes with bad choices... so as a single if there is no one out there that can tickle your fancy, then why the hell you worry? it won't be easy kissing someone you don't like just to be told you have someone or at least you are married...
It's nice to read your comment again Maria Cecilia. Yeah, I hate that old thinking too.
I would definitely say #3 is my main reason. I dated alot in the late 80's & 90's and when you've had your heart broken for the umpteenth time, you get to the point you don't even want to attempt to go through it again.
Sjngle,dumped,married who ever you are be true to yourself,do things that help you connect to make you the person you want to be,make the world a better place,follow your dreams,face fears and make it fun,all take care.Oh Happy Easter
by the time these people find the right ones they will probably be old age pensioners life goes by so quickly,alot of people are non commiters afraid of emotional involement,and live in fantasy worlds waiting for misss or mr perfect who dont even exist
The Single Nice Guy 11 months ago
I agree 100% with this article. It almost seem as though I was reading my life's biography. The points that apply to me the most are 1, 3 and 4 with an emphasis on 3 and 4. I've had my heart broken by a girl I once liked so now I'm a bit skeptic when a new girl shows interest in me. Also, for me I need to have a sense of accomplishment before I even date; I want to have a stable job and own a house before I date. You may think this is a weird and odd behavior for a man but on the contrary it makes perfect sense actually. My thinking is if I can't even support myself, how am I suppose to support another person? This is why I need to be successful before I mingle with the ladies. Of course there are exceptions out there who don't care if I am successful or not, she just care about being with me unconditionally, but unfortunately for me I haven't met this exception. You see, everything we single guys do is ultimately for the girls. It is to get the girls in the end, when we have our lives straighten out and our future set. It all comes down to them. We are doing this for them. All it takes for guys like me to stop thinking this way is for a girl to walk up to us and show us that she is ready to be in a committed relationship and that she will never leave us if we don't have the means to buy her things and that she will promise to be with us through the thick and thin, no matter how poor we are. She will have to accept us for who we are while we're getting our lives straighten out with our education. Single guys like me who choose to stay single are not dumb. We choose wisely accordingly to the situation but more times than not the situation is never right.
"Getting girls is not hard, it's keeping one happy that is the hard part" I came up with this one myself. I don't want to be cheated on. I don't want my heart to be broken twice. I don't want to live a lie. I need a girl who can show me she is willing to work out every obstacles we may face together and that she will not leave me if things turns a little rocky or that I don't give her the attention she craves. I understand the mindset of women. Most women cheat because their guy didn't show them the love and affection they crave. What I'm afraid of is just how much love and affection I should give her? Do I go overboard just to make her happy or can I just show her through my actions and being faithful to her? Lastly, since I've been single for pretty much all my life (with the mindset of what was mentioned above), getting into a relationship is scary. I'm not gonna lie. Having a girlfriend/wife is like maintaining a very expensive sport car.
I hope a girl prove me wrong because only she can make me commit.